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The Bible is filled with examples of God’s grace in forgiving horrible sins which men of God committed deliberately. The prime example is David, who first committed adultery with Bathsheba, a married woman, and then had her husband killed to try and hide the fact that he had done it. And then he kept it all quiet until the baby came, at which point God intervened. All of this shows that you may be successful in hiding your sins from those around you, but you never fool God!
When confronted, David reacted with true repentance, which we see in Psalm 51. Do yourself a favour and read it carefully. This was not just a quick confession to try and get himself off the hook, but a heart-rending outpouring of guilt and shame for sinning against God and being the worst kind of example to his kingdom. And because of his sincere confession and repentance, God forgave him, although the consequences of his deeds followed him for the rest of his life.
As far as your actions are concerned, I sincerely doubt that an abortion was the only option open to you. It very seldom is the only option. Thousands of couples are desperate to adopt a baby, even if you did not see your way clear to keeping the pregnancy going. Was abortion not perhaps the only way to hide the fact that you and your boyfriend were having sex? The truth is that you, as a born again Christian, committed the first sin of having sex outside of marriage, which is part of what the Bible calls fornication or sexual immorality. And having committed the first sin, it was easier to fall into the devil’s trap of telling you that there was no other option than killing your own children. Make no mistake, this is not the actions of a born again Christian.
1 Corinthians 6: 18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
However, there is no sin so big that God cannot forgive it.The blood that Jesus spilt on the cross is powerful enough to cover any sin.
But God is a reader of the heart and mind, and knows whether we really are repentant of what we have done deliberately. The big question you have to ask yourself is whether He is going to forgive you for one sin while you are continuing to commit another sin. As a born again Christian you should know that God asks you to surrender your whole life to Him, not just a certain part. And asking for forgiveness for a sin committed while trying to cover up another one is not the way to go, especially if the first sin is ongoing. So yes, God is able to forgive you completely, but then you have to stop sinning and turn it all over to God for forgiveness. God does not save us in our sins, but from our sins.
1 John 1: 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Isaiah 55 6 Seek the LORD while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way, And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
Let him return to the LORD, And He will have mercy on him;
And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon.
So why don’t you give yourself totally to God in true repentance, ask Him to forgive you, and get to know Him in a personal relationship. This is what God has in mind for each of us, and He never turns away a truly repentant sinner. God bless!