I cannot contact you by phone, as I’m in a country far away from you. I have prayed for you and will continue. Don’t give up on God, He never gives up on you. In fact, He knows your heart, your pain, your questions, and He loves you and wants you to be with Him forever. And He has paid the price, so all He wants from you is the decision to make Him first in your life, and then to spend time with Him every day, so you can get to know Him. And when you know Him, your questions will disappear, when you realise that He will never leave you nor forsake you, that He loves you with and everlasting love, and that He will do everything in His power to get you ready for heaven.

1 John 4:8   He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

John 17:3   “And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.”

John 17:23 (NLT)   “ I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.”

Jeremiah 31:3    The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.”

Hebrews 13:5   …. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Ephesians 2     ⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of your-selves; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Have a good look at the passages above, and know that God does not condemn you, but wants you to be in a close personal relationship with Him. It is not what you do, or even what you know, but Who you know, that gets you into heaven and eternal life.

1 Timothy 2     ³ For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, ⁴ who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

God bless as you cling to God with all your might!