Is it OK to divorce my wife?
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Is it OK to divorce my wife?

By April 4, 2024April 15th, 2024No Comments

Question:

This is a question regarding relationships. Four years ago I married a woman I thought was a devout, called into the ministry believer. I felt called into teaching and had a spiritual gift for it, as well. Many friends and even my pastor warned me to proceed with caution, but I foolishly married her anyways without observing her “fruits” for very long. We were unequally yoked to say the least. It was apparent that she wasn’t as devout as she had said she was. In my flesh, I started questioning as well. This led me away from Christianity in a bit of a “journey” as I called it. Come to find out: 1) She never wanted to join the ministry, as she had told me, 2) She had other personal issues she intentionally glossed over, and 3) She had never actually had a conversion experience, and now believes that Christianity is b.s. She also found out she is pregnant, due in December, which is actually a huge blessing as it has led me to take inventory in my life. Long story short, my journey is over, I have found multiple reasons to believe Christ was who He said He was, and that the resurrection was true. I feel like my faith is restored and am praising God for this as well as a coming child, but now I’m left reaping the crop of my foolish, hasty decisions. I have a son on the way with a wife who has no intention of ever going to church again, on top of the fact that she intentionally misrepresented herself to find “a good guy.” It seems as a lost person, she completely discounted how important my faith was when we were dating. I don’t know what to do. How long should I try to reach her? What if she constantly undermines my attempts at teaching my son the truth? Is divorce an option? If so, is remarriage ever possible? I know this is a sticky situation, but any 3rd party insight from a fellow believer here would be very helpful. Thank you so much, and God bless!

Answer:

How sad that as human beings we so often ignore those who know us well and have our best interest at heart, only to find that they were correct all the time!  We jump into things, driven by hormones and supposed love, only to find ourselves deceived and chastened.  And then we want to undo it all by divorce, and start off again, vowing that this time it will be different!  This story is repeated untold times all over the world every day, and no-one learns from the other’s mistakes.  A friend of mine is now on wife number four, always with the assurance that this one is going to last!

The problem with making divorce an option is that the option is usually used.  Taking it off the table as an option allows us to concentrate on other options, which may not give an instant fix, but in the long run may have better outcomes for everyone, especially the children.   The most often-repeated excuse I hear is that we no longer love each other, but the fact is that the love (or lust) did once exist to such an extent that all advice was ignored.  And it can exist again, for Christ expects us to love even our enemies!  For the Christian therefore, divorce is an absolute swear word, and left to others who live their lives without God.

Malachi 2: 16   “ For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce ……

Matthew 19: 3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

Philippians 4: 13   I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

1 John 4: 7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God  8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
16 And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

1 Corinthians 13: 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 7: 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save yourwife?

A couple I knew well got married with the husband an unbeliever and a heavy smoker.  The Christian lady prayed earnestly for 42 years that her husband would surrender to God, to no avail.  Then the man developed lung cancer, and died soon after.  But shortly before he died, he did give his life over to God, and died with a smile on his face, fully trusting God.  At the funeral the lady did not shed a tear, but was joyful over the fact that she would one day share heaven with her husband.  Her long prayer vigil was finally over.

No person can tell another what to do in a situation like this.  Finally, this is your decision.  You did not heed advice in the beginning, but hopefully you will study the Biblical advice and make your decision accordingly.  Meanwhile, your wife is depending on you to show her the face of Jesus in your relationship with her, and you could be the only hope that she has of finding salvation.  Make your decision prayerfully, as you now also have a baby to consider.  I will pray that you do whatever you do according to the will of God, and that you and your wife will both find eternal life.  God bless!

Jesus loves you both very much.