Can I have sex before marriage?
Big questions for a young person! And you are probably at the best age to ask these questions, before they become a part of your life. The short answer is, yes, it is a sin to have sex before marriage, and once you have started, it will be impossible to stop, except by God’s miraculous intervention. And if you repent right after, you will not really mean it, which God will know, so what does it help? And the cycle will be started, sex, repent, forgiveness, sex, repent, forgiveness, etc, etc. And soon there will be no repentance, and God will be forgotten, and probably the biggest problem, you will have messed up the wonderful pleasures that God was planning for you with that one special person, in a marriage relationship.
That was the short version, but if you want to see what the Bible has to say, here is the long version. Remember, before you start, God wants only the best for you; that is why He tells us not to do certain things. He knows that we are never the same after we have jumped into the sex pool before meeting up with the one special person that He has for you, as your marriage partner. OK, here’s the long version.
Marriage is one of two institutions put in place by God Himself, that date right back to creation and the Garden of Eden. God created Adam and Eve, performed a marriage ceremony which is not described, but it says
Genesis 2 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
In the Bible sex is seen only in the context of marriage. Everything else is sexual immorality. That is because sex was created as the highest form of the expression of love, only in an intimate love relationship, which God created as marriage. The devil has however highjacked sex and turned it into a multi-billion dollar industry, where love is totally out of the picture, and lust reigns supreme. God intended it as an emotional/spiritual/physical expression, whereas the devil’s version is purely physical. This “sexual revolution” has also reached into the church, because it has become so normal in the world. Fifty years ago, any unmarried couple living together would be frowned upon by most of society, not only the church, but today this has become normal. So now the church is seen as being behind the times, judg-mental, narrow minded, purely because our standard is still the same. God does not change, as the passages below confirm.
Malachi 3:6 “For I am the Lord, I do not change …”
Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
As Christians our biggest problem is that we want to do our own thing, without restriction. And God wants us to surrender our lives to Him totally, without question, so that He can lead us in the way which ultimately is the best for us. If God is truly first in our lives, we will be very interested in what His opinion is about everything in our lives, especially about our choice of marriage partner and how we conduct our relationship before marriage as well as during marriage. It has become so much harder in our society to remain pure until marriage, because the world had become totally sex crazy. Everything has been sexualized, and even pornography is seen as normal. So, to be truly a committed Christians today is not easy, especially for hot-blooded young people. But if we are serious about our relationship with God, we will say as Jesus said in the Garden of Gethsemane:
Luke 22:42 “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.”
Let’s take a look at what the Bible has to say about our general behavior as Christians in general, and specifically with regard to sex.
Luke 9:23 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.”
Romans 13 13 Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. 14But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.
1 John 2:16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.
Ephesians 5 3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; 4 neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
Deuteronomy 22 28 “If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out, 29 then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days.”
1 Corinthians 7 It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am (unmarried); 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
This Biblical view of sex, and the abstinence from sex before marriage, is not a popular one, which is why so many regular churchgoers are living together without getting married. But we have the choice: either be a follower of Christ and obey Him completely, or do our own thing; God has given us the power of free choice. The problem is that doing your own thing is exactly what the worldly person does, while true Christians follow the will of their Father in heaven. Look at Jesus’ point of view:
Matthew 7 21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’
James 4:7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
I pray that this answer will be studied carefully and prayerfully, as this is not my answer but comes straight from the Word of God. God bless!
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