Unfortunately some of us do not grow up in the good circumstances that we would like to have had, and this world can be a very tough place.  We cannot choose our circumstances and therefore each one has to play the game of life with the cards that you have, and try to make the best of a bad situation.  You have had a unhappy life up to now, but you should not use that as an excuse to continue in bad things. The one thing you have to realise is that we, as human beings, are all sinners and inclined to do bad things rather than good.  So don’t beat yourself up about the sins that you have fallen into, only give them to God, ask Him for forgiveness, and He will forgive you.

Romans 3: 23   for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

1 John 1: 9   If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Romans 5:6   For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. 10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

You were fortunate enough to be introduced to Jesus and you accepted Him, but did not stay with Him.  This did not mean that He stopped loving you.  He loves you so much that Jesus would have come to die for your sins, even if you were the only person on earth.  If you go back to Him, give your life totally to Him and join with other Christians in a church community, you will have a church family who all believe as you do.  In this way you will not be alone, and you will have support when you fall into temptation.  Please realise that you cannot in your own strength change yourself into a perfect Christian.  Only God is able to change us into what He wants us to be, but He can only do that if we totally surrender our lives to Him and ask Him to take control of our thoughts and our actions.

Mark 2: 17   When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

John 3: 16   For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

Romans 7: 18   For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find.

Romans 12: 2   And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Philippians 2: 13  for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

Philippians 4: 13  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Proverbs 3 :    5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Life is not fair, but God can help you to get through it and change you in the process to be ready to spend an eternity with Him in a place that is perfect:  no pain, no sorrow, no death, only perfect peace and love forever. Doesn’t that sound great! So turn back to God, tell Him everything you are feeling, and give yourself to Him.  Only He has the power to make a difference in your life. I will be praying for you as you give God another try.

We trust this Bible based answer brings you comfort and peace.

Jesus loves you very much.